“I hope I’m not an embarrassment to you”

After what seems like forever, I’m finally making my way back to where I need to be. I’m not lost…. just wandering down paths that were not necessarily “bad”, but definitely missing the fruits that I need in my life. On my reverse journey back, I feel like God has been putting people and circumstances in my life to: 1) Remind me of how blessed I am. 2) Show me the meaning of mercy and command that I act it out. And finally number 3) To physically show me for the bazillionth time what grace is.

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Mercy is defined as compassion or forgiveness shown toward someone whom it is within one’s power to punish or harm.

Grace is unmerited mercy (favor) that God gave to humanity by sending his Son, Jesus Christ, to die on a cross, thus securing man’s eternal salvation from sin.

I’m not here today to complain about my life. I just wish to illustrate parts of it for the lesson that God has been using to teach me. I’ve been in a season of discouragement. I’ve always pretty much kept the big girl panties pulled up and came out swinging. Lately, that fight has turned into wanting to flee. I’ve wanted to flee my job. Flee my family. Flee my friends. Flee my life. Flee it all. In pure honesty, I will tell you that I’ve been tired of serving God. Although I don’t think I can or will spiritually walk away from God, I am guilty of wanting a time out. But like the loving Father He is, he sought out this wayward sheep. And on the journey back to the 99, I am learning lessons that I pray I can share through this blog.

Several days ago, I wrote a blog about a homeless man and what I think is the best picture I have ever taken. In the picture, he was studying a Bible. I’ve known this man for years. I’ve fed him many times. I’ve clothed him. I have had many conversations with him. I’ve picked him up off the sidewalk. I’ve called 911 on him for medical reasons. I have also been cussed out by him. Screamed at by him. I’ve witnessed the demons this man fights. And on more than one occasion, I’ve seen this man with that big Bible out, reading in earnest. I shared the photo with someone whose reply was basically ” that picture does not line up with the things I have heard about this man. Thank you for reminding me not to judge “. It bothered me that this man’s demons have quite a reputation in this town. The only difference between me and my friend are that my demons are behind closed doors, in my cushy house, on my 18 acres. Thank God for His grace. The same grace flows from this wretch to that wretch if he’s accepted Jesus as his Savior. I don’t believe my God is going to abandon him and kick him to the wayside for mental health issues, alcohol issues or any other problems. Grace.

Grace is unmerited mercy (favor) that God gave to humanity by sending his Son, Jesus Christ, to die on a cross, thus securing man’s eternal salvation from sin.

Mercy. I have a pair of elderly clients that require help with their day to day finances. Both are in poor health. The gentleman is on oxygen and his wife is in advanced stages of Parkinson’s. Every few days, he pulls in our parking lot, but too weak to get out. His sweet wife shuffles in the office with a bill for me to pay. I’ll always walk her back to the car and help her in. This week, when we got outside, she looked at me with tears in her eyes and and she said “I’m sorry. I hope I’m not an embarrassment to you. ” I reassured her that she’s the opposite and quite a blessing to me. If you know me, you also know that I hate hugs and people in my space. God told me to hug this lady. She hugged me tight and told me that she loved me and appreciated me so much. What was meant to make her feel better, made me feel better, too! She had mercy on me and I on her.

Mercy is defined as compassion or forgiveness shown toward someone whom it is within one’s power to punish or harm.

I have learned that while mercy comes from God, Grace IS God. I’ve been reminded that sheep come in all colors, shapes, and sizes. None of the sheep are silky white and flawless.

So long as we are sheep with the one true Shepherd, that’s all that matters.

I apologize for rambling. I’ve tried hard to make sense of my lessons learned.

Thanks for reading.

The BeanCounter